This has happened to me a lot lately. Not that I am becoming lost or incoherrent…it is more like I have temporarily, checked out. Time becomes irrelevant, it blends in like a Monet painting…no crisp lines to delineate one minute from the next. I don’t think this is something that has suddenly begun to happen for me, I have felt it since the beginning of time… HA! What I meant to type was the beginning of the year. I did not correct it because in all actuality it has started since the beginning of time.
So…just when was this beginning of time? For the purpose of this blog lets say we are referring to the beginning of linear time. The “time” line we are all so familiar with. The one that has a defined beginning and ending, that which represents our physical birth and death in this lifetime.
Now, by no means do I consider myself an expert on timelines… or anything really. Everything is just my experience…that I am not afraid to share.
What I have noticed is that when I awaken from these sudden lapses of time, out of no where I feel flooded with emotion. Sometimes it is melancholy, sadness or a general sense of loss or longing. It confuses me. With these emotions comes an overwhelming need to write. Sometimes I can get it out and other times…. I am afraid to.
What am I afraid of? Questions…that I cannot answer. I am afraid of the implications the words I write or the emotions I express will raise. They are not experiences or tragedies I have had in this lifetime. It is hard to explain. I know that I have stories to write…but I am uncertain where to begin. I feel flooded with intense emotion at times. Emotions about love…love lost, forgotten or abandoned. I am filled with the feeling of loss, and abandonment, destruction and manipulation, lust and desire. Feelings and emotions that when woven together could have the ability to transport a person to another place and time.
The memories seem to rest in my head like a giant pensieve just waiting to be plucked out and reviewed. Fragments are what they are…captured moments in time. Stored away for what…inspiration, reflection? In a never-ending quest to make sense of all that pops into my head I store them away. Some get forgotten. Some lay so close to the surface they only confuse me and cloud my memory of what is from the now…and what was mine from another time. Telling the difference begins to take effort. I know it is a gift…I am just beginning to see the beauty in having access to all that was. I just know that there is so much more to be done with this information. For now…I continue to store it.
Understanding the messages we receive, and learning how to decipher their meaning and your responsibility to it takes patience. I believe I am receiving bits and pieces to a much bigger message. A message that in time will make sense to me. Until I know for sure just what that message is I will continue to embrace the experiences I am given. To help my self keep things straight I have created a special cathedral of sorts… where I can store each and every memory. When this room first appeared to me… it appeared to me as I would imagine a room filled with the akashic records would appear. This room is circular, old and made of stone. Its walls are lined with drawers organized like a card catalog of sorts… It is an old, dark but beautiful room. A room I feel comfortable in, lighted by the soft glow of torches, that I know was started many lifetimes ago.
I know that there are many people out there that have had experiences like this… I guess I just thought I would share mine with you. I believe that on a conscious level we are all beginning to become more and more connected with our past experiences (lifetimes) and these connections are happening on a soul level. Connecting us to past emotions, patterns, and feelings. Many of these will help us in this lifetime, and many others are there for wisdom and guidance for us to use along our individual paths to enlightenment.
All I can think to add here is a reminder to remember to throw out judgement of others and of self… Learn to embrace your experiences and messages, as I will practice embracing mine.